hakuna matata

the bread winner

2011-04-24T22:31:00.002+08:00

i am so happy to have friends who are worried about me and occasionally tell me to take care of myself. i am happy to have the opportunity to talk to people i should have talked to ten years ago.

work remains the one blot, but i have had enough of asking and requesting for changes so let's leave it at that.

in 2009.

2011-04-05T22:09:00.003+08:00

i chanced upon this random post i put up just before school ended:

i don’t think it’s uncharacteristic for a guy to cry when he reads givesmehope.com but wow, that’s one pretty good site for inspiration. one day, i shall tell every girl i know that she is beautiful. that can be number 20-odd on my list of things to do.

and here we go, one thing to thank God for today: givesmehope.com

i’m glad i have close friends in school, people who just come up to you and say encouraging things and stuff. it’s not surprising that most of them are christians, which seems to suggest something hmm. i had the opportunity to join a christian group on thursday morning, worship and all, and i must say praise God for living in a country that is free from religious persecution. to think i actually turned rachel down on tuesday night. speaking of which, i took half hour to walk around the neighbourhood on tuesday night, doing some reflections and thanksgiving. ended up being brain-dead on wednesday noon but that’s not the point.

i’ve taken some much-needed rest both spiritually and physically (probably too much) for the past few days. realised yesterday was actually the last official day of lessons. i’m feeling slightly sad, because i actually did enjoy being in njc. i probably wouldn’t have changed as much without coming to njc, probably wouldn’t have met my friends and such. and for that, i thank God for putting me here.

for the past month, i’ve shared my personal life thus far with a few people. how i did it while smiling and joking all the time is still a mystery. but me doing that wasn’t for people to take pity on me (i don’t need pity), but rather i was trying to show them that there are things that we all can be thankful for. little things. i don’t know if they grasped it though. sometimes we may meet a brick wall, or face an emotional meltdown, like somehow it’s armageddon, but really it’s just another opportunity for us to grow. being depressed or sad won’t solve the matter at hand, that’s why we just have to keep looking forward, learn how to be optimistic, be happy, smile and laugh!

the best decision i’ve ever made this year (or for several years) was to do volunteer work. being around strangers, and listening to their stories, talking to them, sometimes using hand signs because i don’t understand malay or other dialects, playing chinese chess, buying newspapers, sharing jokes, laughing, smiling. all of it gives me hope, gives me a reason to appreciate people a little more. one thing i can cross off my list: help a stranger.

and so, for everything that God has provided me, for every struggle i have overcome, for everything i have grown to appreciate a little more, and for every hope God has given me, i want to say: thank you God!

reminiscent

2011-03-31T23:07:00.001+08:00

looking back, i actually enjoyed school. to quote my ma'am: it's not the environment you are working at, but the people you are working with (or in this case, studied and played with). some would put it as 'fate' that strangers become friends; i say it's God's plan. my classmates, my choir friends, my study buddies..i'm really happy to have met them.

i have around one year before i start school again after a two-year hiatus (and two years worth of sluggish lifestyle). after reading so many facebook statuses, i really wonder if i should approach university education with so much positive anticipation. oh well, i have another year to reminiscent.

aufwiedersehen

2011-03-12T22:09:00.001+08:00

i believe it's very special to meet someone and be a friend. what makes it even more special is that we met halfway across the world. i only knew my friend had passed away when maggi informed me, and i didn't know how to react. we haven't talked for so long, and i thought i could pay a visit next year.

to my friend, vicky, who is pretty smart, pretty nice, and pretty pretty, i bid you aufwiedersehen.

turning 20.

2011-01-19T22:19:00.002+08:00

resolution:

i think about all the beautiful places in the world that i want to travel to and i wish i didn’t have to say “when i’m older and have the time and money”. there’s so much more i want to see than what i have, and even though it will take forever to see it all, i still wish i could start now.

i will start this december.

2010-11-05T22:38:00.002+08:00

i shall kick start this blog by talking about death.

my dad passed away two months back, and it seems like a long time has passed ever since. i put up a front that i have dealt with this issue rather smoothly, but really, i have not. i have put my mind into work, studies and other stuff since and i realised i am starting to forget my dad. but there are circumstances when i think about him, like looking at my phone contacts and seeing my dad's number while looking for my friend's. sometimes i just break into tears. the truth is, i miss my dad.

my dad died without fear. he did not die protecting his country, neither did he die for a cause. rather, he died after an operation. the reason why he chose to do the operation that in medical terms is 50:50 (which turned out to be 70:30 and 80:20 after the operation) is simple: jesus. my dad accepted the fact that it was through grace that he had lived for the past 10 years, and if God wants it, he would live for the next few years. if God wants to bring him home, then so be it. to me, that's courage.

i am ashamed that a few months back i had actually wished my dad would pass away earlier. and i was so certain that i could cope with the loss of my dad. yet, when i walked into the ward to see my dad for the last time, i just flipped. it is a hard pill to swallow when someone dies. their presence is gone, and all that remains is a fleeting memory that will soon recede. it is an empty feeling really, and nothing can ever make it go away.

however there is this source of comfort i could tap on - God. and when i sang 'amazing grace, how sweet the sound', i was..speechless. for the first time in my life i choked on my emotions, and this warm feeling of comfort embracing and overran me. i still feel it when i think about my dad. i had another source of encouragement - family and friends. in no order of merit, anh, amanda christine, jocelyn, allicia, chiansiang, eunice, jocelyn, cheryl, kenneth, dianfeng, davina, xinqin, heeann, paul, clarissa & it goes on.

i regret not appreciating the time i had with my dad. i took it for granted that he would live to see me graduate, be there during my wedding, look after my kids. well, he won't be able to do all this now. but as steve jobs said, death is life's changing agent. hopefully, one day i would find the courage to follow my heart. and when the time comes to go home, muster all my courage and stare death at its face, and say 'i've conquered you.'